i'm perpetually trying to cheer myself up. in the rare occurrence that i'm in a good mood, i spend so much time concerned about why and how i'm in a good mood that it eventually dissipates. 20-something years of feelings and memories. i can't even fathom 8.7 weeks of music on my itunes.
what happens in life is that things are awesome. the world is amazing. it's so convenient and unimaginable that it can't be real. the image of the world is just that, an image. what's below, or inside, or above, or sprinkled invisibly all around as atmosphere is what really makes it. intangible and fleeting and only existing even though people don't acknowledge it exists. if that stuff is all real, that means the image and everything it consists of is fake. the world is amazing and people still complain. i guess it's their right.
i don't think people realize or give much thought to how lonely it is to just be a person. you're in your own head all day. there are an infinite amount of distractions available to you that you will engage in every day. music, job, project, something pretty, art, cinematic features, and cartoons. we pretend it all matters. a job for example is pointless. it means nothing. a job will distract you, make you money and waste a lot of time. time means nothing. its just going to pass. there, its gone. as much as i hope and dream for a time machine, i know ill never get one. i hardly ever get what i want when i want it.
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